for myself

took off the clothes
walked into the cubical
opened the shower tab
sat down nakedly as the shower poured
ya, naked
with no mask on my face
thinking who i am
who did i try to pretend to be

a sudden feel of identity loss
was this me
what am i trying to achieve
deep down in my heart
the helpless feeling
no one
no one i can ask for help
no one i really shared my problem with
no friend
no family member

all i can hear is the beating pulse of myself

should i go back to take a break
no
the last trip back home disappointed me
so much
i thought it's a shelther
but it's not

i am supposed to be though
to be strong
to face no problem in life
so he thought

i am just a layman
i am a growing young adult
i need support
i need guidance
but the reality strikes me again and again
somehow to convey a message
whispering to me
you just have to do all these yourself

and i stood up
wiped away the water
with the deep sea blue towel
here i am
fighting again
against all odds
for myself