It's gonna be a long post, swaying here and there, not smooth sentence, lots of grammar error etc. cuz it's what came into my mind first, type it before processing
I'm not a typical guy, not that I'm not straight, but I just couldn't do what a guy good in-- think nothing. Russell Peter once said in his talk that man has the ability to have the brain blank for 20+ mins, but I just cannot do it.
A heavy thinker I would call myself. Last time I used to think about all the scientific things, like how great the structure is , how pretty the peacock is, how big the whale is, how deep the ocean is, how to travel faster than time, and of course this brought me into engineering field.
But recently, or rather these few years, philosophy, societal norm, religious rather occupy my mind for most of the time. Like I have been thinking does God really exists? What about Buddha? or if they exist, why did my dad  get accident although I did pray for him? I started to doubt a lot of thoughts, beliefs. the worst thing is that the incident changes his life and breaks his vitality. He has been taking good care of his health for such a long time so that he can avoid all the diseases. But why the heck that he got accident?
and talk about study. So I bet you never see such a consistent and structured result like mine. I thought this semester was easy, I still do; and I could do all the papers; well, may not get all correct but why the hell that I couldn't get A. I really give up. Don't give me all sort of stupid useless sentences like 'victory belongs to the most persevering', 'never give up till you reach the top', all these beliefs will just stop you from enjoying your life and waste your youth chasing things and in the end you get nothing. And when the world comes to the end, when your soul meet the other, in your conversation, they say that they went to so many places, did so many things they like, and you , just tell them that, YUP, I TRIED TO GET... BUT FAILED
the point is, I really disappointed with all my effort in chasing things that PEOPLE say it's good. They say, get a good result and enter NUS , then your future will be bright. But after so many years of observing and seeing my friends, the fact is that they are more happy than me and they are more optimistic than me. Please, all these criteria are the ones that make you success, or rather make you satisfy with your life.
All in all, my perspective of life has changed. sorry to everyone who thinks that I'm a good boy, I am going to be myself from now onwards. If I wanna club, I go. If I wanna run, I run. and I wanna start my own business, I start. will try to maintain my result though I hate putting effort and time in, but the force of society norm that good result equivalent to good employee is too strong. I just have to follow it cuz I'm still part of the society. But I will no longer live to fulfill others' expectation, try to please others.
If the world really ends in 2012, at least I live a year happily.