family

Had a family dinner today.. nah.. we had it everyday last time.. as we graduate and leave home to further study, complete family dinner become rare and rare. treasure every moment spentwith family, and this holiday has been revolving around family.
i'm family-son and this makes me prioritiize family than other things. giving up oversea study, not going for vacation, stopping school activities etc.. not saying how good i am or how i sacrifice because i am willing to and i am happy to do that. to foster the relationship among family members is always what i want to do. holding everyone together creates joys and fun, and that's make me happy.
my family is rather special; everyone's is unique. we share, we criticize, we advice, we comment, we discuss, we solve issues together. that's why i don't view friends as important because my family members play the role of friends as well.
but what makes up a family?
a family to me is like and alloy metal, there's synergy effect and there must be. you cannot have every atom of same size and property which result in homogenous metal, one that is weaker than alloy. in alloy, the small particle that fills up the void doesn't mean that it is weaker, in fact it fills the gap to make a denser and stronger metal. the different in electronegativity creates bond between particles which strengthen bond.
same anology goes to family. In a family, we have some one who cares a lot, someone who like to leave home, someone who like to stay, someone who is quiet, someone who is noisy, someone who criticize without thinking, someone who never voice out.
but these are the ones who make a family unique. ideally, if everyone is too quiet, there should be no quarrel at home, but this lead to less understanding; if no one criticize, there's no feedback and no improvement. so, tolerancy is the key element to be embended in each member's heart. we cannot ask one to do what we what, because this lead to his/her unhappiness and distort the nature of oneself.
In a  family, we do not want metal, we want alloy, not only alloy, but a stronger alloy. we should not scold one to change to what we wnat since this will annoy the person, but we ask and discuss to change a bit here and there.a slight change can make improvement.
if you like to leave home most of the time, maybe you should stay for a long period of time to spend more time. family members will be happy.
if you like to criticize, control you tone
if you are too quiet, shout a bit, it creates fun
be more responsible to the family and holding each other together will become your "ultimate task" unconsiously and you will be very willing to do it

It's gonna be a long post, swaying here and there, not smooth sentence, lots of grammar error etc. cuz it's what came into my mind first, type it before processing
I'm not a typical guy, not that I'm not straight, but I just couldn't do what a guy good in-- think nothing. Russell Peter once said in his talk that man has the ability to have the brain blank for 20+ mins, but I just cannot do it.
A heavy thinker I would call myself. Last time I used to think about all the scientific things, like how great the structure is , how pretty the peacock is, how big the whale is, how deep the ocean is, how to travel faster than time, and of course this brought me into engineering field.
But recently, or rather these few years, philosophy, societal norm, religious rather occupy my mind for most of the time. Like I have been thinking does God really exists? What about Buddha? or if they exist, why did my dad  get accident although I did pray for him? I started to doubt a lot of thoughts, beliefs. the worst thing is that the incident changes his life and breaks his vitality. He has been taking good care of his health for such a long time so that he can avoid all the diseases. But why the heck that he got accident?
and talk about study. So I bet you never see such a consistent and structured result like mine. I thought this semester was easy, I still do; and I could do all the papers; well, may not get all correct but why the hell that I couldn't get A. I really give up. Don't give me all sort of stupid useless sentences like 'victory belongs to the most persevering', 'never give up till you reach the top', all these beliefs will just stop you from enjoying your life and waste your youth chasing things and in the end you get nothing. And when the world comes to the end, when your soul meet the other, in your conversation, they say that they went to so many places, did so many things they like, and you , just tell them that, YUP, I TRIED TO GET... BUT FAILED
the point is, I really disappointed with all my effort in chasing things that PEOPLE say it's good. They say, get a good result and enter NUS , then your future will be bright. But after so many years of observing and seeing my friends, the fact is that they are more happy than me and they are more optimistic than me. Please, all these criteria are the ones that make you success, or rather make you satisfy with your life.
All in all, my perspective of life has changed. sorry to everyone who thinks that I'm a good boy, I am going to be myself from now onwards. If I wanna club, I go. If I wanna run, I run. and I wanna start my own business, I start. will try to maintain my result though I hate putting effort and time in, but the force of society norm that good result equivalent to good employee is too strong. I just have to follow it cuz I'm still part of the society. But I will no longer live to fulfill others' expectation, try to please others.
If the world really ends in 2012, at least I live a year happily.

a topic-less result related bolg

result will be out in less than 48 hours.
how should I feel?
fear?
worry?
anxious?
nah?

have been telling myself that result is not important
in fact, a lot of people tell themselves the same thing
but, the reason behind this statement is rather tricky/valuable/???

everyone is saying that result is not important
how not important can it be
at least we know that graduate as a first class holder guarantees a better pay

so, how not important result can be that one can sacrifice this
in economics, we call it the opportunity cost
what are the things an undergrad can do after shifting the focus away from result
or telling the statement is just to hypnotize oneself

I would say the things that we can do are numerous
or if you do not know, let me list down for you
1. go to have as much fun as possible before you enter the rat race working world
2. study things that you like, ignore the effect of pulling down your result, study for the sake of upgarding yourself
3. do more research (can be anything)
4. join all sorts of activities, if you want to explore more
5. venture into business, or start up entrepreneurship

everything is feasible
especially when you are an undergrad
you have the vitality, the energy, the source, the help, no liabilities
you are just in the ideal state to do everything

so, result is not important
it is a very TRUE statement,
provided you are really serious in doing the things you want to do
but not because of being lazy to study and proudly take that as your perspective towards study
and tell people how insignificance study is to you

dreams...

It's the weirdest time to blog now, 13:11
while I was thinking what to do,
these things crossed my mind

Have been telling peoples around me that I would not want to work
We know that peoples are working for money but not the things they like to do
so, I always think of ways to earn money without working,
or rather to get the so-called "passive income"

Skip the topic on ways to get there
move on to what will I do after achieving financial freedom status

I think I will join National Geographic for all the adventurous exploring trip
go to all scenic places
all the islands rich in aquatic ecosystem
the Atlantic where I can see Aurora and galaxy every night
Amazon river which has myth of all sort of weird creatures

So happy to find this dream
after going all round and round
experiencing different kind of activities
I still love to be part of nature
enjoy the magnificent creation of earth

who is she

i don't know how does she looks like
how sweet is her smile
how soft is her voice
how long is her hair
how sharp is her nose
how fair is her skin
how electrifying are her eyes

when she talks
i will be paying full attention
her call,
reminds me to appreciate the present
her hug,
make me feel that i am loved

the sense of humour she posses
the friendliness she has
the kindness of her heart
the open minded thought

she seems to be quite perfect
i am still waiting
a connection between me and the perfect one
once spark,
it will never end

i want to club
i want to drink
i want to smoke
i want to spend lavishly
i want my body to take over my mind
i want to go crazy partying everyday!!